Douliu Hash 65 Run Report: “Bleating Ox” Christmas Run
An excellent trail from Kalahari Princess, Joe Shlomo, and virgin hare Kebab Muncher that despite its name, had an apparent lack of animals. The successful hares shared a drink for one of the smallest hidden turns ever seen, followed by third timer Jennifer. Jennifer was trying to help Mother Sucker come up with an accurate term for the toothbrush she left at her man friend’s house. What she came up with, and her name from now on, is Slutbrush. Several hashers had reached significant milestones: Kalahari Princess had 20 runs, Clumsy Clench had 10 runs, while SGT and 4Stiff had reached an impressive 60 runs.
Betelnut Jizz had lost the men’s hashit and had no nominations prepared, but we weren’t about to let that stop us. Mother Sucker was nominated for stealing the hashit when BNJ attempted to recycle, Shut the Fedora reminded us all of an 80’s enforcer, and virgin hare Kebab Muncher sent BNJ through cobwebs. In the end, Shut the Fedora’s menacing demeanor carried the day.
Stuck On Top had the women’s hashit. She nominated Princess Date Rape for asking Mother Sucker to tie his shoe, Penis Fly Trap and Princess Date Rape for canoodling on trail, and DDT for shortcutting and misleading some unsuspecting first timers. DDT had clearly earned it.
General penalties kicked off with Holy Shit for being a rat bastard front runner without chalk or a whistle. Mother Sucker is being deported to Vietnam. The three hares were referred to as the Legs, the Belly, and the Nose by the Taiwanese bystanders. Ninja Hooker, still winning at life, did the runner’s trail for the first time. We were then granted a surprise personal visit from Santa, who looked suspiciously like Glad 69. CBB was given a kiddie fishing game, for all that free time he’ll soon have. STF got some shiny new walkie talkies. SGT received some fabulous leopard house slippers. DDT finally got “twins” (dolls). But perhaps the most entertaining gift from Santa was a pair of burgundy panties for Megapixel, so that she can continue to entice Kebab Muncher. The hares were called up for being outnumbered by their dogs. We gave Santa some beer since we noticed his suit was made in Taiwan. Kebab Muncher was called out for his poor sense of direction, which he proceeded to prove in the most fascinating way. He attempted to get into Megapixel’s new panties, but managed to fuck it up and ended up ass to ass. We sincerely hope that Megapixel was able to sort that out later on in the evening, if only for her own sake. Second timer Wendy drank for looking like a Christmas present with a giant bow on her dress. We rewarded second timer Eric for actually making it to the finish this time. Finally, we said farewell to our much loved Mother Sucker, and wished her well in whatever new adventures come her way. On on!
The next run will be a DDT special on Saturday, January 31st. Be at the Douliu baseball stadium at 1 pm.