Hash 105, Fumbling in Fengyuan, was headed up by Absolut (4th hare run), Shut the Fedora Up (Virgin Hare) and Andrew Lambie (Virgin Hare). A beautiful ~9k trail through the city, overlooking rice fields and parkside canals was not enough to deter a pack of bloodthirsty hounds intent on having rabbit for dinner. While Burning Rectal Fire and Eh-Hole headed north immediately from the start, Satisfaction GuaranTit and Dirty Dick of Touliu headed northwest with the pack before cutting across east towards the 3 Giants Brewery. From there, DDT proceeded west, hoping to catch a hare coming back around towards the finish, while SGT headed north, hoping to catch up on trail ahead of the pack. Sure enough, SGT’s slow, methodical plod—like a hound circling a wounded hare—quickly turned SFU shortcutting backwards on marked trail to get to the finish. A truly amazing display of cunning, guile, and strategic thinking SGT’s part. Definitely not dumb fucking luck for happening across trail at exactly the right time. No sir.
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Down downs began with the usual birthdays (SGT, Absolut, & Iran From Milfs) and welcome backs. First and second timers enjoyed their cold brews, and we welcomed two new members to the Douliu Hash: Ash, in honor of his Welsh heritage, was named Ewe Fucker and Kelly, given her proclivity for arriving late to the start and finish and walking with In Through the Anus, was named Better Taint than Never! Be sure to congratulate them on trail and enjoy a cold beer with them!
Shut the Fedora Up had the women’s hashit from last month. He came up with three poor nominations: SGT for getting lucky with the catch (normal Hash procedure, I say!), BTN for some obscure reason, and BRF or CBB (I can’t remember which) for not realizing he was on trail. All in all, we had to make a 4th nomination, which SFU won; he will carry the women’s hashit to next month. After that, Iran From Milfs had three nominations for the men’s hashit: (1) Crampee BuxiBum for talking about something (remind me to keep better notes next time!), (2) SGT for the extra English lesson, and (3) Shut the Fedora Up for his special chalk/paint and nice handwriting font at the start. SFU won easily, and will carry both the men’s and women’s hashits next month.
General penalties started with the hares being nominated several times for being unlucky and getting caught. Iran From Milfs nominated his cousins (DDT, SGT, & CBB) for not wishing him a Happy Persian New Year, and their wives for not doing their wifely duties to remind their husbands. In turn, SGT nominated IFM for fulfilling his husbandly duty of holding his wife’s hat for her while she took a bathroom break. First timer Cabe made several new best friends and nominated each in turn, leaving the previous best friend to wonder what he had done wrong. SGT nominated the hares for their horrible taste in a finish that faced south and west instead of giving us good Fengshui with a finish facing north and east.
Eh-hole nominated the hares for being late to the start and for making curved turns instead of precisely-measured 90 degree right angles. SFU nominated Frog Fucker for being a good hasher and carrying chalk for postmarking (Well done!), and the hares were turn nominated for their trail marking contraptions (self sticks + duct tape so they didn’t have to bend over). SGT nominated Biohazard for wearing a “BEASTLY” shirt, when in fact she is more like a gentle lamb and should be kept a safe distance from Ewe Fucker. SGT also nominated Better Taint than Never for living up to her hash name: she was sitting off the side and looking at assholes.
SGT nominated BaiBanger (sp?) for being a good citizen and adopting a cat, ensuring that he would no longer go without pussy, but DDT nominated SGT for his sick depravity, as he reminded SGT that in the Cape, when you get pussy, you eat it! DDT also nominated Eh-Hole for having and using a whistle that sounds like a virgin farting and he also nominated BRF and MyCockAngelo for canoodling with MCA’s head near BRF’s crotch, clearly studying for her next sculpture.
All in all, great General Penalties all around, and a lovely day for hashing. We cleaned up the finish and made our way to the 3 Giants Brewery where, despite knowing that we were coming, only 1 person was working and service was a bit slow. We did, however, enjoy several beers, pizzas, and sausage rolls before wrapping up an early evening. ON ON to the next hash in Minxiong, Jiayi on April 28 courtesy of Man Juice and CBB!
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