Douliu Hash 57 saw us once again on the outskirts of Douliu as Joe Shlomo, Kalahari Princess, and virgin hare Prickly Pair brought us a beautiful trail through the countryside only to have their effort spoiled by three catches – shortcutting bastards DDT & SGT at 9 minutes & Crampee Buxibum, who happened to come across the hares on trail not long after.
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We had two first timers, Tammy and Janet. We also had two third timers, Sohail and Malvin. Sohail was named Iran From MILFS in honor of all those mature ladies who loved his local TV show. We learned a lot of bizarre things about Malvin, but his fondness for feline anuses abviously took the cake. He was named Dutch Fudge.
DDT had the men’s hashit. He nominated G69 for dumping the cooler upside down in a clear stash abuse violation, the hares for getting to the start without chalk or cards, and SGT for assisting the genius hares in forgetting their stuff. SGT won for being such a nice guy. G69 had the women’s hashit. He nominated Austin the dog for really chewing on the hashit, Shut The Fedora for being a fashion guru with black socks, and the hares for repeatedly fucking up. STF won for his fancy footwear.
General penalties started with a double for Private Dancer and Zamboner for getting’ it on courtesy of their scooters shitty shocks. The hares followed for poor marking and general stupidity. BBB drank for losing a game of tug o’ war with her dog. First timer Tammy is the proud owner of the ass that launched a thousand down downs. Jackoff the Outback followed for stash abuse and weak nominations. Kalahari Princess expressed a desire for a topless hash, a suggestion which made everyone thirsty. Sleeping Dick was the dick who stole Megapixel’s chair. Jackoff and Joe Shlomo were caught canoodling. Stuck On Top’s shirt was actually stuck on top. G69 surprised no one by trying to pour beer into his giant cup and failing. He quickly returned for sticking the women’s hashit in CBB’s ear and almost making them crash. SGT followed for being unable to find Moaning Grinder in the blinding sea of blue hash shirts. DDT has been handling his tackle all day, because he can. Mother Sucker was instigating things left and right, and damn proud of it. Stuck On Top was jealous of all the canoodling going on. We tagged Jackoff for littering on his way back to Australia. BBB was on overprotective bitch about her puppy, which led to a giant doggy down down. We ended with DDT and SGT celebrating one of their better shortcuts.
On On!
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