It was a warm end of the year 5km run by DDT and virgin hare Joe Shlomo that had about twenty of us stampeding across fields and canals to view some of Touliu’s agricultural offerings.
[do action=”iframe”]https://www.roxysbar.com/DH3/DH3-41.html[/do]
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Our successful hares drank for making it to the finish without collapsing under their own enormous bulk. First timers Aaron, Craig, Amanda, Lin, and Jason shared a drink. Second timer Nick also had a drink. We had two third timers: Chris and Corey. After a naming committee full of unhelpful commentary from Cuntry Bushwacker, we came up with some appropriate, but not too inappropriate names. Chris was named Drei Masai thanks to our attempt to use a play on words. Since he is one of only three Germans in the world who does not love beer, he is “dry.†Also, the German word for three is “drei.†Masai came in to the picture due to his ear gauge which reminds us of those epic Kenyan warriors. Corey was named Mother Sucker for her motherly powers of baking and herding drunk people into taxis, as well as an incident in the ocean where a jellyfish “sucked†on her leg. Welcome them to hash and give them an ON ON next time you see them.
BBB had the women’s hashit. She nominated DDT for forgetting that he had given himself the men’s hashit, SGT for skipping the final runner’s loop, and first timer Aaron for the gross offense of spilling his beer. Aaron spent the rest of down downs with the women’s hashit in a very firm grip. DDT gave the men’s hashit to co-hare Joe Shlomo for being a heavyweight hare. Cuntry Bushwacker was awarded for his 10 runs. Moaning Grinder was awarded for her 30 runs. Give them an ON ON to 20 and 40 runs respectively.
General penalties began with first timer Amanda drinking for stash abuse. First timer Aaron, Stuck on Top, and Betelnut Jizz shared a drink for showing up to hash in jeans. Oil My Coil had to drink from the Penis Cup for running with no chalk, no whistle, not postmarking, in short, for being a “dick†on trail. Cuntry Bushwacker was subsequently penalized for taking a picture of the basketball game going on behind us instead of capturing the Penis Cup action for posterity. SGT and first timer Lin shared a drink since SGT found himself much more motivated to complete the run if he could follow Lin’s luscious backside. DDT and Joe Shlomo drank for the cardinal sin of not bringing enough beer to the starting point. Oil My Coil had to drink for asking people why that was his name. We kindly explained it to him. First timer Craig was called up for looking like Tom Waits. He then shared a drink with Drei Masai as a New Zealander who doesn’t love rugby with a German who doesn’t love beer. A doggy style down down was followed by a penalty for Betelnut Jizz for having to read the scribe’s notes to remember what he did on the last hash he was on. A whistle check sent half the hapless hashers to the front for beer. BBB was called out by SGT for her hashing to the second power-having done 6 hashes in Touliu and 6 hashes in Kaohsiung in 6 months. BBB, SGT, and first timer Aaron shared a drink for fancy footwear: FiveFingers and red G-string sandals. All of the ladies wearing yoga pants were called to drink for making the world a better place. Kalahari Princess and Joe Shlomo were caught canoodling and first timer Aaron handed the hashit to Betelnut Jizz since he asked nicely. We all managed to make it to the park for Han’s Pizza in spite of transportation mishaps before ending the night at Roxy’s.
Over the fields and through Touliu, to New Year’s drunk we go…Roxy’s will be open for New Year’s Eve. See you in 2013! ON ON!
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