Douliu Hash #31 Run Report

Douliu Hash #31, a “No Country for Old Men” Hash, was held on an overcast February 25, 2012. Starting near the gates of Jianhushan and continuing on through the foothills of Gukeng, it was hared by the misleading and misled duo of Paddy McGroin and Dim Zim (amazing that he remembered he was haring!) Unfortunately, due to a slight oversight by our Head, there is no GPS map of the trail. You’ll just have to imagine that it was 12 kilometers of uphill slogging through meter-deep mud.

After congratulating the hares on a successful run (and congratulating Dim Zim for remembering how to get to the finish), we started the down downs. Absolute, BudaPoes, DDT, Batteries Not Included, Cockpox, and Tam were invited to partake in libations for having left the island since the last hash.

As usual, there were several first timers who were initiated in the ritual of down downs. These included Eric, Sarah, Michelle, George, Sean, and James. Our only second-timer, Tam, came prepared with her own bottle of scotch and was made to drink from the titty cup.

A long third-timer, James, was given the name Cuntry-Bush-Whacker after beseeching the name committee to not put any references to female genetalia into his nom de hash. Also, as Cuntry-Bush-Whacker has demonstrated a proclivity of going off trail in his first few runs, “bushwhacker” seemed appropriate as it denotes someone who is good at getting lost. Hopefully he won’t take to hear the North American definition and stab anyone from the naming committee in the back on the next hash. Congratulate CBW if you see him and help him wear his sobriquet with pride at the next down-down.

Cockpox had three strong nominations for the women’s hashit: First-timer Sean for breaking a bridge on trail, first-timers Eric along with Sean and George for “peeing” down a cliff and calling it “sightseeing,” and finally DDT for forgetting to bring the men’s hashit (isn’t that two months in a row?). After a close round of voting, a recount was called for (demanded?) by our (mis)leader and the hashit was awarded to Sean for destruction of (natural) property. DDT then went on to nominate himself for the sole responsibility of misplacing the men’s hashit and drank with Sean.

-ANNOUNCEMENTS-
There is a Hare List at Roxy’s Bar, so go find a trail and sign up for a future run. You don’t have to do next months – you can sign up 4, 6, or further in advance. If you have enjoyed the hash, give back a little bit by haring a trail. If you need any assistance, contact any of the Qualified Hares (DDT, SGT, CBB, PM – Glenn has a list of them) and they can assist you in becoming a successful hare.

The 2012 All Island Run is coming up in June. It will be in Taichung (about an hour’s drive), cost NT$850, and be quite fun. There will be three trails, tons of cold beverages, hot springs at the finish (lots of beautiful babes and hunky men in skimpy swimwear) and probably live music after a great dinner. The run fees include a shirt (and maybe more!), dinner, and all you can drink. SGT will be going. If you are interested, please let him know ASAP and denote your shirt size. This will be announced at the next two hashes, but the last chance to sign up will be in April.

DDT announced that his wedding anniversary to Four Stiff would be on March 24 and that everyone was invited to the After party at Roxy’s. To which, he ended the announcements with “Wealthy in love and affection, but bankrupt.” The after party should start around 4 or 5 p.m.

-GENERAL PENALTIES-
Cuntry Bush-Whacker opened the penalties with a misplaced nomination of DDT for bad short-cutting. Since CBW had followed DDT, he had to take part in his own down-down as well. Meanwhile, Paddy McGroin named 1st-timer James for a new shoes offense and added Cockpx for having new and disgusting shoes. PMG continued to harass the rooking by picking on Eric for “making room.”

The alcoholic baptism of new-comers continued as DDT was on a separate wavelength and received two long-distance nominations from Satisfaction GuaranTit in Phnom Penh. The first was for 1st-timers Sarah and Michelle to drink from the penis cup, which resulted in “full-facials,” while the second was for 1st-tmer Eric from Texas, which according to DDT’s geography teacher, is the land of “steers and queers.” Since Eric didn’t have horns, he had to partake in a fresh drink from the penis cup.

Crampee Buxibum condemned Dim Zim for scribbling out trail marks, proving his mis-guiding skills as a hare. (Is he looking to get on the Mis-management committee?) Dim Zim then went on to admonished DDT and CBW for finishing behind all the walkers.

Though she was the first walker to finish, Absolut was chastised by CBB for missing the final turn and walking a few hundred meters along the stream without noticing four foreigners sitting at the finish in plain sight on the opposite bank. She claimed that she missed the turn because she was appreciating the quaint town she passed through, all three houses.

As the weather was turning a bit chilly, Dim Zim felt obligated to nominate all the first-timers for an “internal heating” down-down. This was followed by a series of criticisms associated with the convoy to the start, starting with BudaPoes nominating Dim Zim for sitting on a stool (the four-legged kind, not a “dump”) inthe back of CBB’s van, to which DZ accused BP of having a predilection to sitting with dogs in the back of DDT’s car. To finish this round, DDT nominated CBB for leaving behind the rest of the convoy en route to the start.

BP then nominated CBB for a birthday down-down, followed by PMG nominating Batteries Not Included as she is about to leave the island for lands with varying voltage. We wish her the best luck in her travels.

DZ reproached first-timer Sean for his two-fisted affection for the woman’s hashit. Then came weak nominations from CBW (DDT didn’t “wear it”) and DZ upbraiding CBW for not following the rules. Rules!? What rules?

Cockpox chose first-timer Eric for a fashion down-down concerning his over-the-calf socks and long shorts, to which DDT named him the “fanciest dressed wetback.” At the other end of the spectrum, DZ was called out by second-timer Tam for picking his butt, to which she had photographic evidence.

In one final frustrating swipe, CBW pointed a finger at DDT for calling Four Stiff and CBB for directions when they had arrived at a temple near the finish. This was quickly turned into a double, as CBW benefited from the call and would not have remained lost in the environs of Gukeng.

The down-downs were thus concluded and hashers returned to Roxy’s for some great pasta to celebrate its 3rd anniversary. May this fine establishment continue to be a beacon of cultural diversity in the city of Douliu. Afterwards, some of us enjoyed more drinks and discussions ranging from the physics of a “shotgun” (“ripcord,” “chugging,” “beer bong”) to Thailand mushrooms to Austrian cities.

Thanks to Crampee Buxibum for once again helping with transportation and for doing the run report while SGT was off “scouting trail” in Cambodia. The next hash is Saturday, March 31, the last Saturday of the month. We are still meeting at the Douliu Baseball Stadium at 1 p.m. ON-ON until next month!