Douliu Hash 79 – “A Shitty Way to Start the New Year” Run
SGT and IRFM were unsuccessful hares in a trail they themselves predicted was not worth our time or money. Our small group was joined by Whiskey O’Clock’s dad, a hale and hearty fellow on whom we bestowed the name of Whiskey Pop. HF gave the men’s hashit to DDT for a classic hasher shortcut straight from the start that earned him a catch. G69 retained the women’s hashit for waving it around near his mouth while talking to kids on the street.
General penalties began with HF for politely greeting IRFM when he caught him. It was observed that both men came from countries that “knew fuck all about bombs.” Whiskey O’Clock, Whiskey Pop, and Burning Rectal Fire are all from the same tiny town in South Africa. Moaning Grinder didn’t share with the group that IRFM had blabbed about the trail being A to A. BRF incorrectly believed the whistles were hashits, a blunder which earned him the Penis Cup. ET continued this streak of excellence by calling for a whistle check even when he didn’t have one. DDT no longer reminded IRFM of his third cousin, but now G69 looks suspiciously like his fourth cousin. The boys really enjoyed it when BBB crotch checked herself on the metal railing. BBB was injured, and Moaning Grinder thought G69 might actually beat her to the finish. Hahahahahaha!
DDT declared that BBB’s toes were longer than his dick, which some of us could confirm. He then told Whiskey Pop a story about Cock Pox. G69 dropped the hashit for the third time and lost it. Whiskey Pop is a calming influence on Whiskey O’Clock, who was actually on time and not drinking any whiskey. BBB was missing her hair twin, A-Hole, but she consoled herself by winning fashion with a truly nightmarish holiday sweater. G69 tried and failed to hold the hashit straight. DDT’s joke about ET both raised and lowered the bar. BBB had managed to gimp in to her 40th run. BRF couldn’t kick a beach ball properly, but his name made us think of Johnny Cash. Sing it with me now: Burn, burn, burn, burning rectal fire… G69 finally put the hashit where it should have been all along. He had worked hard to be the second of two walkers. He also tried to warn BBB about the muddy hill as he face planted hard in said hill.
BBB used her cane to race an elderly gentleman with a cane, with inconclusive results. Whiskey Pop proved to be awesomely into down downs. The hapless hounds requested and received some back track clarification. We thanked our last minute hares, after which DDT made some point way over our heads and his own. SGT wished that DDT had offered him some tissues when he came charging after him, but DDT only laughed at SGT’s panic. A cursory wife check left many wanting and drinking. G69 somehow managed to lose the hashit yet again. Whiskey O’Clock and Whiskey Pop shared a father/daughter drink with BRF the prodigal son.