Douliu Hash 68 Run Report: Even Hello Kitty Will Puke
CBB and virgin hare Absolut unsuccessfully led us through an insanely adorable village. We were joined by Penis Fly Trap’s mom and Princess Date Rape’s parents. We had one third timer, Tamlin. After some truly half ass deliberation, we named her Anal Angel for her angelic but anal retentive nature. Whiteout had the women’s hashit. She nominated STD for his limp grip, Absolut for panicking and losing her map, and Shut the Fedora for denying he had a selfie stick. STF tried to argue, so we just gave the hashit to him. STD had the men’s hashit. He nominated CBB for having a screaming bad day, DDT for thinking that his superhero headgear would allow him to dive off the levee, and PDR’s parents for their obviously superb parenting skills. We honor our elders here at the hash, and PDR’s parents carried the day.
STD tried to catch DDT as he fell off the levee because he has no sense of self preservation. CBB drew a beautifully detailed map for Absolut that fell out of her bra for us to find on the road. We thanked our helpful hares with beer. Second timer Maggie addressed CBB as “general.” Whiteout and I Ran From MILFS had each reached 10 runs. We rewarded the Glad 69 family for their parenting skills. Second timer Maggie returned for thinking that DDT’s hare patches meant that he had caught a lot of rabbits. I don’t know her very well, but I believe second timer Maggie appears to have a bright future ahead of her. Makes Dick Come was present without the requisite “Dick.” STD was 10 meters from a catch, but was still recovering from being crushed under DDT’s bulk. CBB tried to start a fight after being caught by Kebab Muncher.
This was CBB’s 50th run. Joe Shlomo and Kalahari Princess shared their own parenting down down after saying that if their dogs are stupid then they have to suffer. We noticed that In Through the Anus was wearing real shoes. PDR has had his moments, but even he knew to give the trail map to SGT. We realized that Glad 69 was wearing a new shirt with the same pattern of holes as his old shirt, leading us to wonder what daily activities would lead to such a thing. All of the runners followed STD as he shortcut around the first runner’s loop. We wished IRFM and Biohazard a happy Nowruz. Bump Set Spike tried to steal a whistle from IRFM and Biohazard in an attempt to escape a whistle check. Me So Sneaky and a second timer were fondling A-Hole’s luxurious hair. In Through the Anus sent KM after the hares like Forrest Gump. STD posted the found map on social media. In the end, the hash was left to marvel at the remarkable examples of parenting that were put before us, filling us with no small amount of terror for the future.
This Saturday we head to Jiji with Joe Shlomo and Kalahari Princess! On On!