Douliu Hash 67 Run Report – Napoleon Took Away Your Winter
February brought us an unseasonably hot but perfumed trail from SGT and BBB. After welcome backs and birthdays, we got to third timer Rachel. The naming committee heard about her determination to make Richard come (to the hash) and decided that no further information was required. She will now be known as Makes Dick Come. See, no need for crafted jokes or subtle nuance; this shit writes itself.
SGT had the men’s hashit. He nominated co-hare BBB for being on the rag and still not getting caught, SGA/Shitzkrieg/Ninja Hooker for bringing new dogs on trail, and Me So Sneaky for bringing a hot girl with money. But the hashit, like other things in life, only comes once a month, and BBB clearly deserved it for that reason.
Ninja Hooker continued her winning streak with the women’s hashit. She nominated the hares for sending them through spiders and ants, first timer Chris’s ninja reflexes when confronting said spiders, and Betelnut Jizz for trying to activate the spider in the only way he knows how. BNJ took away the hashit by default.
DDT finally arrived at the finish from whatever trail he ran on. Sleeping Sausage was unaware that you had to buy a shirt, because the laws of economics were pesky and unnecessary. Megapixel ran the trail for the first time in new shoes and a thong, but didn’t feel that the occasion merited her special Santa granny panties. Don’t worry, Megapixel, we all make mistakes in life. I Ran From MILFS and Biohazard lent the hares their car as a finish car with no questions asked, and have agreed to hare the June run with BBB. Whiskey O’Clock had no curves, but she did have 20 runs. The hares were called out for an extremely cheeky on over across a riverbed.
Megapixel devoted herself to investigating the sketchy canal water, when that clearly should have been a job for Biohazard, if her name is anything to go by. Makes Dick Come was seen canoodling with “Dick” but not making him come, an obvious offense. Shitzkrieg manfully carried the puppy instead of Sweet Gnome Alabama. Batteries Not Included had survived a 36 hour hangover at Roxy’s to come to the hash, and if that isn’t dedication, I don’t know what is. Kalahari Princess was seen giving Joe Shlomo a pedicure after he attempted to hump some poor unsuspecting cacti. BNJ tried to grab the hashit from BBB, but his grip was weak and he quickly gave up after a limp tug. Joe Shlomo fell over barbed wire trying to avoid the spiders. Me So Sneaky was so excited by the sights and smells in Fresh Air Alley that he burst into a run even though he was a walker. First timer Rocco only carries a phone and a knife, because fuck you, MacGyver! SGT admitted he was tired after only running 50 feet on trail, which left his cohare slightly uninspired. Megapixel forgot the rules and tried to make a nomination for Ninja Hooker. Sleeping Sausage bought train tickets for everyone but I Remember Wench. We stopped to notice that DDT’s shorts had an erection. A-Hole couldn’t distinguish bubbles from seeds. IRFM and SGT were shifting their pockets in an attempt to not set of their car alarms that made the rest of us deeply uncomfortable. We celebrated the fact that Americans and Iranians are working together, at least, in Taiwan. Megapixel, despite her previous infractions, redeemed herself by knowing the run name was a reference to Animal Farm. A-Hole and BBB discovered they were magic wonder hair twins after photo evidence was produced. CBB was rewarded for making money on the Malaysia hash. Finally, we said farewell to Red Light Groove as she heads back to America and takes Sheetstain with her.
The next hash will be in Chiayi on Saturday, March 28th, courtesy of CBB and virgin hare Absolut. On On!