Douliu Hash #66 Run Report: Goats Do Roam
DDT and Hot Wings proved their gymnastic abilities were way more developed than we would have guessed. No doubt leaping like gazelles across very narrow walkways, they successfully led us through muddy fields to those precious coolers full of beer. First timer Katie earned a turn at the penis cup since it was her birthday. We had four third timers. Becky had some past experiences with a roommate with a foot fetish, and will henceforth be known as Tasty Toes. Daniel was named Ay-Hole as a tribute to his Canadian-ness and for taking his friends “down the rabbit hole.” Miso was attempting to eavesdrop on his naming process, and was named Me So Sneaky (insert exaggerated Mexican accent here). We would like to remind all hashers that the name must be accompanied by the accent. Eric is known for building bamboo structures on the beaches in Tainan, which some local residents then burn down. He shall be known as Wicker Man. On on to all the newly minted hashers!
Scratch the Itch had lost the men’s hashit. He nominated second timer Elmira for puppy baiting him so she could steal the hashit, the hares for wanting to know if he was running, and Whiteout for exposing Megapixel’s habit of shitting naked. We gave it back to STI for losing the hashit to such an obvious trick by a second timer.
DDT had the women’s hashit. He nominated Ninja Hooker since she had never been given the women’s hashit before, Hot Wings for his graceful back flip into the mud, and SGT for bringing no sugar for the mulled wine but jumping to conclusions anyway. We didn’t want Ninja Hooker to feel left out. After all, she’s still winning at life, and she deserved to win the hashit too.
General penalties brought Sweet Gnome Alabama and DDT together for being in each other’s private zones. Hot Wings followed for preparing to hare by giving himself a pedicure at the stadium. DDT had been seen holding the women’s hashit like a mike. Ninja Hooker dove headfirst into the mud like a boss on her 10th run. (Still winning, probably has tiger blood…) Visiting hasher Man Juice had his pants on backwards. Megapixel had a prickly exit from the trees post nude poo. Frozen Stiff was so eager to hash that he jumped on the train without paying. We of the hash honor that kind of selfless dedication. CBB and Red Light Groove found nice warm crevasses to stick their water bottles in. STI and Kebab Muncher shared a joke that none of the rest of us got. First timer Liz lost a shoe in the mud like a champ. Second timer Craig was doing the Michael Jackson moonwalk backwards without breaking a sweat on a trail that had the rest of us falling over ourselves, the fleet footed bastard! Wrinkles sideswiped BBB and took her down into the mud for her 30th run. Chiapatemdown and Potty Mouth had both made it to their 10th run. In Through the Anus was complaining about his name and wasting good beer, which earned him multiple down downs. I Ran From MILFS and Wicker Man shared a drink of solidarity since they have both run from someone. At this point, we noticed that Shut the Fedora hadn’t shut his mouth in quite some time, and we solved that problem by filling his mouth with beer. CBB and STI continued their debate about whether getting hit in the balls or the dick hurts more. The results were inconclusive at best. Sunny Streetwalker walked in on Tasty Toes in the bathroom, which definitely earned them a drink. This being DDT’s 45th hare run, we celebrated the sheer will it took for him to haul his massive bulk over long distances that many times. On on to 50, DDT!
The first run of the new year will be brought to you by BBB and SGT. Meet at the Douliu baseball stadium at 1 pm or regret missing it for the rest of your life! On On!