In what I sincerely hope will become a yearly tradition, the Douliu hash had its first zombie run, courtesy of Sweet Gnome Alabama, Kalahari Princess, and Joe Shlomo. They were assisted by zombie hashers: STD, Mother Sucker, Boner Bender, Coke Whore, and Budapoes. Although a huge pack of desperate humans tried to make it to the finish, only two succeeded, Ninja Hooker and Princess Bedet. They were presented with bats to keep fighting the good fight. After several herds of first and second timers, we had one third(fourth) timer, Elisa. We named her Coast to Coast for her geographical skills, which will come in handy when we get lost.
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Princess Date Rape had the men’s hashit. He nominated Silver Nuts for clinging to 1 Foot in the Grave, 2 Girls 1 Cup for pissing himself with his water pistol, and Penis Fly Trap/Swallower for running into each other in terror. We gave it to the girls since they gravitate violently towards each other anyway. Megapixel had the women’s hashit. She nominated Princess Bedet for giving away their position with a fart, Ninja Hooker for wearing a balaclava the whole way, and Sweet Gnome Alabama for unzombie like behavior. Although we admired Ninja Hooker’s dedication, we awarded the hashit to Princess Bedet for her tactical error and hope that she was able to console herself with it.
General penalties, after being interrupted by an unfortunate incident with a paper lantern that met its fiery end on a power line, began with Kebab Muncher for bravely hiding behind SGT. Zombie STD was wearing disturbingly blue contact lenses. Glad 69 and Just Fuck You were hard partiers who died first. It’s comforting to know that even in the face of a zombie apocalypse, some things never change. Princess Date Rape pissed all over the men’s hashit, but that’s what happens when he does things without supervision. Joe Shlomo was a committed hare who wore flip flops. Sweet Gnome Alabama had reached several milestones: her 20th run, her qualifying hare run, and finding someone shorter than herself. (Cindy, I suspect you have at least one serious fan for life.) We celebrated all the zombies, especially Boner Bender for making some bloody amazing props and Budapoes for making all the fake blood. Crampee Buxibum attempted to play it smart and follow the hares, but was savagely tackled by Joe Shlomo 10 meters shy of victory. Budapoes drank for knowing that DDT would shortcut. Well done, Captain Obvious! BBB attacked zombie STD with her walking stick, and they shared a drink to bury the hatchet. (I’m almost sorry.) Kebab Muncher exercised his zombie fighting muscles by spraying water at them, because decapitation is soooooo last year. Several hashers had reached new heights: Moaning Grinder had 50 runs, STD had 20 runs, and Prickly Pear had 10 runs. The Fantastic Four: STD, 2G1C, DDT, and first timer Katy were still drinking at 6 am that morning. We reward that kind of excellence here. STD scared first timer Cindy so badly that she sat down. (See, if you had a walking stick, you could have whacked him in the chest like I did!) Ninja Hooker came fully dressed and armed. We voted her the best dressed, and for winning at life in general.
A big thank you for everyone involved! The next hash will be Saturday, November 29th, in Chiayi. You know the drill, folks. Back of the train station, 1 pm. On On!
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