CBB and BBB were successful hares in Chukou on a mercilessly sunny run. After welcome backs and May birthdays, we got our large band of first timers up to drink. They are in no particular order and I’m not that sorry if I misspelled anyone’s name: Jennifer, Rosuanta, Yi Shuang, Polin, Tim, Merfy, Cheryl, Ponnis, Irene, Alex, and Yaan. Second timers Sabrina and Tammy followed. We had two third timers, Aileen and Lien. We discovered that Aileen has given a foot job and dated a significantly older man. We named her One Foot in the Grave. Sleeping Dick provided tons of dirt on Lien. After stories of a nip slip and drunkenly pissing all over the toilet, we settled on two equally appropriate names, Flash Flood and Hoversquirt.
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Hot Poppa had the men’s hashit. He nominated Glad 69 for running on the walker’s trail, Sleeping Dick for being a pedophile with emotional stories for each of the toys on his backpack, and Mother Sucker for being so proud of her drunk burp that she farted. Mother Sucker won with a second wind of support. Stuck On Top had the women’s hashit. She nominated the hares for no good reason, Sleeping Dick for leaving his monkey in her bag, and Sweet Gnome Alabama for violently assaulting her for the hashit. We gave it to SGA since she wanted it so badly.
General penalties started with Sausage Factory, who went from last to first but couldn’t be bothered to postmark since she lost her chalk in her shorts. This was CBB’s 40th run. G69 was gyrating to “I Believe in Miracles.” Serial Killer just “wanted somebody to love,” which earned him a Penis Cup nod for singing a Justin Bieber song anywhere near us. Everyone felt up by SGA and Mother Sucker in their quest for the hashit shared a drink, because they really enjoyed it. A first timer managed to fuck up the convoy, but Stuck On Top didn’t know how to get to the back of the Douliu train station, which was obviously the more embarrassing offense. SGT used his basic training skills to dive and roll across the ditch to shortcut to the finish. SoT had relieved Mother Sucker of the hashit. Ensnatchment declared that she was not going to take care of an increasingly drunk Mother Sucker. Rotten Sack had to drink for bringing four terrified first timers. G69 was seen lifting a cooler that had wheels, so he definitely needed more beer. Live in her Pool survived a spectacular fall without spilling his beer, and he was promptly rewarded with more beer. Coke Whore got stuck on a betelnut tree and made the most of the situation by attempting to make the tree happy with her thighs. CBB got lost on his own trail, proving that he’s a true hasher. Our fearless and brainless grandmaster DDT has 60 runs. Mother Sucker was finally drunk enough to tell us all how much she loves us. We realized that we were all still saying Happy Birthday to Hot Poppa. The boys drank for being committed to busting up that bamboo grove after the check. Sausage Factory was all fired up to be a virgin hare in June.
On On!
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