It was a cloudy, overcast day as approximately 15 stalwart hashers gathered at a temple just outside Dounan for the start of the hash. The trail took us through rice fields and bamboo forests. Many of us are indebted to the Taiwanese farmers who helped us pick up the trail when we were semi-lost.
Hare: Dirty Dick of Touliu
Trail Length: 9.5k?
First 3 runners:
- iPodAlong
- KinkyTexanVegan
- KinkyF*ckingCalifornian
The first 3 walkers were:
- SatisfactionGauranTit
- FourStiff
- Rommel Router
-DOWN DOWN-
The down down commenced at approximately 16:30 when SGT called everyone together for the down down and invited our hare, DDT, up to drink for another successful run (102 hare runs in Taiwan).
DDT invited first-timers Mandy and Eilif up for a drink and they were given the standard newbie 10-count. DDT then invited second-timer Calvin up for a drink, and he, too, was given a 10-count to get his drink down.
Then it was on to the third-timers. The first was Ayu, who actually has more than 3 hash runs but somehow missed out on getting a name. The naming committee was leaning towards “CSI” (Chain Smoking Indonesian) but, seeing as how she is the proud mother of hasher Kakacito, we decided a more fitting name would be Kaka Mama. Therefore, Ayu will from now on be known as Kaka Mama on the Douliu Hash.
Our second third-timer was Goran. The naming committee didn’t know that much about him: he was German, from Leipzig, he has 2 kids, and he was very precise in everything he does. Given that he is always so precise and accurate, we figured we could say that he is, as we Americans say, anal retentive. Going off of that and trying to work in his Germanic roots, we came up with a proper Hash name for him: Anal Blitzkrieger. Therefore, Goran will now forever be known as Anal Blitzkrieger on the Douliu Hash.
After the third-timers got their Hash names, DDT did a hashit check. We didn’t have a men’s hashit today, so KFC was given the women’s hashit at the start. He came up with 3 nominations:
- iPodAlong – for not marking trail when he was the lead runner
- Kakacito (Kakalito?) – for starting as a runner but finishing as a walker
- SGT – for using his elite military reconnaissance skills and shortcutting on trail
Seeing as how Kakacito and SGT had done nothing wrong – both walking and shortcutting are perfectly acceptable hashing behaviors – iPodAlong easily won (lost?) the nomination and had to drink and hold the women’s hashit. This would be the first of many drinks for iPodAlong as he would later be called about by just about everyone for some offense he had committed during the hash.
-GENERAL PENALTIES-
DDT opened the floor to general penalties and SGT missed the first few nominations because he had forgotten his notebook. SGT retrieved said notebook from car and then was immediately nominated by DDT for leaving the circle without permission.
KTV nominated SGT for using his elite military experience to give directions. During the naming committee, someone asked about the location of Anal Blitzkrieger’s hometown of Leipzig. SGT responded that it was in the “Center East South” part of Germany.
Kakacito nominated Barry and was immediately called out on name abuse and had to drink.
Kakacito then again nominated Barry and again was immediately called out on name abuse and had to drink.
Finally, Kakacito nominated Rommel Router for walking too fast on trail.
DDT nominated Balls of Fire for not drinking enough during the down down.
KFC nominated iPodAlong for not whistling the on ons.
Rommel Router nominated SGT and Moaning Grinder for “wearing gloves on their feet.” (Moaning Grinder was wearing a pair of socks with toes and SGT was wearing a pair of Vibram FiveFinger shoes).
[singlepic id=340 w=320 h=240 float=left] [singlepic id=231 w=320 h=240 float=none]
iPodAlong nominated Eilif and Calvin for wearing short shorts.
DDT nominated KFC for wearing pubes on his head.
Moaning Grinder nominated iPodAlong for his shirt (KFC described the shirt as having every tattoo on it that his friends wanted to have when they were 15).
Rommel Router nominated SGT for bad accountancy. (Backstory: at the sign up, DDT said that the run fees were 300 for those with a penis and 200 for those with a vagina. SGT proclaimed “I guess it’s 600 for me, then.” as he tried to make a joke about having 2 penises). Some debated ensued but SGT ended up drinking.
iPodAlong nominated DDT because there were dogs on trail and they almost bit his face off.
SGT nominated himself to share a drink with DDT for his 102nd Hare Run in Taiwan. That’s quite an achievement and it’s great to have someone who is willing to do that much work for the community.
Kakacito nominated Kakamama for wearing long pants (jeans) on the trail. DDT turned that nominated into a general penalty for anyone wearing long pants on trail: Mandy, Balls of Fire, and Kakamama.
DDT nominated Eilif for being a first timer and not being nominated for anything yet.
Kakacito nominated Anal Blitzkrieger for not nominated people.
DDT nominated Anal Blitzkrieger and Rommel Router to have a drink together and share their thin German connection.
iPodAlong nominated Balls of Fire for something, but DDT turned it around and penalized him. At this, iPodAlong threw a tantrum and was called out on name abuse, stash abuse, and losing the hashit. He, of course, had to drink. DDT then called for a hashit check and asked iPodAlong if he had the women’s hashit. iPodAlong stated “Yes.” even though KTV was holding the women’s hashit. Of course, iPodAlong had to drink again.
Moaning Grinder nominated iPodAlong for not wearing his iPod and headphones during the down down (his overly loud music has become somewhat customary during the down downs).
iPodAlong nominated Calvin and Mandy for “sitting backstage” behind the brewmeister.
DDT nominated Barry and was called out on name abuse and had to drink.
SGT nominated Four Stiff and Outback Mountaineer for not drinking during the down down.
Balls of Fire nominated Rommel Router for following him(?) on trail but it proved to be a weak nominated and BoF had to drink.
DDT announced that Roxy’s Bar would have restricted hours next week as he attends the Jazz Fest in New Orleans. At this announcement, iPodAlong’s hashit went flaccid.
SGT nominated Anal Blitzkrieger for looking really excited every time DDT broke wind.
DDT called a whistle check. Kakamama, Anal Blitzkrieger, iPodAlong (who tried to hid behind a bush), Balls of Fire, and Kakacito had no whistles and had to drink.
Rommel Router nominated iPodAlong for leaving the circle without permission.
KTV nominated KFC for not wearing a shirt.
Outback Mountaineer nominated DDT for not providing whistles at the start and iPodAlong and KFC had some sort of discussions about KTV’s rape whistle.
DDT made an announcement about the Hash Budget (moving towards the black?). He is still looking for someone to take over the Hash Cash duties.
Rommel Router nominated iPodAlong for something and DDT nominated Kakacito for sleeping during the down down.
At that, the down down was concluded. We cleaned up our trash and, since we were holding the down down right next to the restaurant, we proceeded inside for some great Taiwanese food. Several hashers (DDT, Four Stiff, Outback Mountaineer, SGT, and Rommel Router) attended the on-over at Roxy’s Bar; Alas, we were a bunch of tired, old farts and it ended up being a pretty early night for most of us.
Pictures from the hash and down down can be viewed in the photo gallery.
The first part of the down down, including Kakamama and Anal Blitzkrieger getting their Hash names, was recorded by Moaning Grinder.
SGT
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