Douliu Hash #36 started off great with beautiful weather (after a threat of rain) and relatively inexperienced hares (easy catches!). In truth, this managed to be the downfall of the day as Paddy McGroin (5th hare run) and Kiwi Cunt Guzzler (Virgin hare) set off on a 6km trail that would vex most hashers and send about 2/3rds back to the start to await the car run after getting lost. Those that persevered were greeted with missing trail marks, confusing backtracks, and then, finally, a finish where the hares were sullenly drinking cold beer after getting caught by both DDT and Snooze Button.
The GPS map is a little off due to me getting lost multiple times.
After getting everybody to the finish much too late, we finally got the down downs started. Paddy McGroin and KCG were awarded a Broken-ear hare patch for getting caught and DDT and Snooze Button were awarded catch patches. Since this was Snooze Button’s final Douliu Hash run, it was a nice reward for his hard work.
As usual, there were many first timers, including Tim F., Tony C., Annie H., Keven J., Rachel S., Adam D., and Crystal C. They were greeted with a 10-count and a nice cold drink after an exasperating hash. Second timers included Ivy L., Lizel P., and Lize. Finally, we had three 3rd timers. Kevin was named SheetStain in honor of him having a problem with bedwetting in his younger days. Nikki was named Duchess Blowhole for her Filipino property rights abilities. Finally, George, with his marvelous nipples, was named Pram Queen – Pram in Afrikaans meaning “breast.” If you see these three hashers, be sure to congratulate them. ON ON to 10 runs for all of them!
Snooze Button, hyped up after his catch, had the men’s hashit and came up with three decent nominations: BudaPoes, for being confused, KCG, for marking trail with mini ON ONs, and PM, for the “wonderful” trail. No surprises here: PM won the hashit and came up to claim his reward with his co-hare in tow.
Cockpox had the women’s hashit and also came up with three nominations: PM for the “Bad trail,” KCG for the same, and Snooze Button for wearing a wifebeater. Also no surprises as KCG won the hashit and came up with his co-hare to claim his prize.
With the hares already having drunk too much and won the hashits, we moved on to general penalties, which mean even more down downs for the hares, but we’ll get to that in a minute.
Joe Shlomo nominated Khalahari Princess for going back to the start and then hiring several Taiwanese children as Sherpas to help guide her to the finish for NT$100. Innovative, but she still had to drink. Extra Testicle and STD were called out for Stash Abuse by Cuntry Bushwhacker, who was then called by Liz for the same offense, and Cockpox was nominated for “loving the penis” (hashit) a bit too much and now missing it.
SGT nominated himself, Scratch The Itch, and Rachel for being the only three hashers smart enough to wear Vibram FiveFingers for the trail. Meanwhile, Snooze Button nominated ThumbBum for making them late, which turned out to be weak as ThumbBum came by himself in a taxi. Tony and Annie, meanwhile, were called up for having a quiet down down. They assured us that they we hadn’t scared them off yet, but we’ll see next month.
Of course, the hares were called up for several offenses, which included starting the trail with arrows (hares don’t use arrows), telling everyone to bring swim caps (the trail finished by a swimming pool), bad trailmarking, horrible trailmarking, not trailmarking (KCG said that when we was almost finished, he noticed DDT and, not wanting to get caught, stopped marking trail!), and getting caught. Needless to say, Paddy McGroin has been fired and sent back to South Africa, and KCG will no longer be able to hare without adult supervision.
With the hares thoroughly drunk, it was time to say goodbye. Paddy McGroin and Lassie O’Hare have been faithful hashers for about 2 years and are heading back to greener pastures in South Africa. Snooze Button, meanwhile, is heading back to America to study Latin in graduate school (they still do that?). We wish them the best and hope to see them ON TRAIL sometime in the future.
The next hash in August 25th. As always, it’s the last Saturday of the month and we meet at the Douliu Baseball Stadium at 1 p.m. ON ON.
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