Douliu Hash 29 Run Report

We had perfect weather this past weekend and even managed to miss out on most of the rain as we went out to Gukeng to have Hash #29 (A “Hawaii Five-O” Run) with newcomers from Australia and Germany and even some old hands from Kaohsiung. DDT hared a scenic trail, but managed to get caught – not once, not twice, (DDT defnds himself – A) I had to change the start at the very last moment, on the car run no less, as the original start had become inaccessable! B) I marked the runners trail, and then doubled back to mark the walkers trail as well! Poor me!) but three times. LOL and ET from Kaohsiung managed to run stodgy old hare down after 25 minutes, whereas SGT cunningly spotted the finish car on the way to the start and shortcut directly down the main road to wait for his prey.

Walker's trail

We had three first timers with us today – Felix (Germany), Andrew (Austrlia), and Pily (Mexico). There were no second timers, but we did have three first timers. LOL, the co-head of the Kaohsiung Hash, was up to take part in his third run. Jean, Moaning Grinder’s little sister, joined us from Taichung and was given the name Clumsy Clench for her ability to have accidents and clenching her teeth. Finally, Elisa, soon to return home to England, was given the name Batteries Not Included after we learned that she used to be a Dildo Saleswoman! May they wear their names with pride and ON ON to several more runs!

DDT forgot the hashits – although he actually remembered that he had forgotten something before leaving the start – so he drank for his sins. He did, however, come up with three okay nominations for the men’s hashit:

  • SGT – for also forgetting the hashit and failing in his position as co-head
  • Paddy McGroin – For doing a Chip ‘n Dale striptease at the down down
  • Hairy Fucker – for taking it easy and not getting a catch

SGT, heading up the down downs, quickly determined that Paddy McGroin had won and awarded him the hashit.

DDT came up for another drink for forgetting the women’s hashit, but also managed to come up with three nominations:

  • Batteries Not Included – Because she appeared to know exactly what to do with the hashit
  • The Dim Zim – Because, according to The Slim Zim, he needs it
  • Cockpox – Just because

Cockpox won the hashit, but failed to hang on to it for very long. At any rate, she’ll be leaving next month, so someone new will get the hashit on the next run.

-ANNOUNCEMENTS-
December 31st is going to be the first ever Red Dress Run/Pub Crawl for the Douliu Hash. You are encouraged to wear a red dress (male or female). Starting point will probably be Roxy’s Bar at around 5:00 p.m., and we will have a short(er) trail to several pubs around Douliu. Details will be forthcoming, so pay attention to www.roxysbar.com for more details.

If you aren’t on DDT’s text message list, please give him your Cell Phone #, and he will text to the details of the next hash.

Finally, in celebration of DDT’s 50th birthday, Crampee Buxibum wrote a poem that he shared with us.

Ode to a Pesticide
There was once a young Boer
Who went up to a whore
and asked her for a treat.
but when he showed her his meat
She giggled and impored, “Isn’t there anymore?”

And that same not so young Boer,
whom we’ve come to adore,
Opened up a bar
where he is the star
for the beer, the spirits, and oh, so much more.

For to Douliu he brought the Hash
where it proved to be a tremendous smash
and after every race,
he sets a torrid pace
in emptying the sacred and coveted stash.

A friend to both feline and canine
His fellow man he does not malign
With a sharp and witty tongue
he lashes out at the young
to impress on them that he is truly divine.

Now the knees get so sore
and he thinks he can take no more
because reaching fifty
is not so nifty
when begging the wife to unlock the front door.

So, to DDT we raise our beer
and hope our cheer you can hear
for though you make us sick
everything you flash that short stumpy dick
here’s to you, and ON ON for another fifty year.

-GENERAL PENALTIES-
Sex-a-piel was the star of the show with nomination after nomination for Cockpox (wearing new shoestrings with old shoes AND littering beer cans – shame on her!), Crampee Buxibum, The Slim Zim (for talking about her favorite porno), and The Dim Zim (for rough canoodling – he hit her). She also managed to catch a canoodling down down herself.

The Dim Zim was not far behind with name abuse after name abuse. How one can go to this many hashes and still not get the idea that you must call people by their hash name is beyond me. However, our first timer Felix has already mastered the art. Perhaps TDZ would like a mentor.

SGT nominated his wife, Moaning Grinder, for arriving at the finish, seeing the “SGT Catch” written on the ground, and asking “Did you cheat?” Oh, the woeful lack of trust. Meanwhile, ET nominated Hairy Fucker for dressing up for the downdown. LOL also nominated Hairy Fucker for his fancy shoes (no doubt, those patent leather shoes were the reason he didn’t get a catch today), and DDT nominated all three of them for being “Lame Hashers” (last month, a first timer said she preferred the Douliu Hash to the Kaohsiung Hash because the KHHH “is lame!”)

Andrew and Pily got a nomination for being in town all of 10 days and already attending their first hash. MG and Cockpox shared a down down, for we finally found out where Cockpox got her new shoelaces – from MG’s new shoes! Also, our first timer Felix enjoyed a thirsty down down (how the German managed to go so long without beer, I’ll never know!)

LOL and ET were awarded their catch patches by DDT AND – in perhaps a first and most historic episode for hashing – were also given a hare patch. It seems that after they caught DDT, they helped mark trail and even put in a runner’s loop, which earned them a hare patch for the trail as well. ON ON! SGT was also awarded his catch patch for being a sneaky fuck. I’m guessing the finish car won’t be visible from the road in future hashes!

There were many other down downs for canoodling, name abuse, getting caught, and for The Dim Zim in general (it’s so easy to nominate him!). Finally, we celebrated with a drink for DDT and Four Stiff (going to Hawaii for a few weeks) and Cockpox (heading back to SA for a while) for leaving the island. After that, we wrapped things up and celebrated with some champagne and cigars for DDT’s 50th birthday. ON ON to Run #30 and the first ever Red Dress Pub Crawl!


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