Douliu Hash #16 Run Report

The Douliu Hash had another wonderful run on November 20th. The trail was rather flat, with a few inclines, and went through city and fields for approximately 6km. Also, in a first for the Douliu Hash (to my knowledge) the trail started and finished at the same location. Although not by any means a hard trail, over half the harriers and harriettes still managed to get lost (more on that later).


TLH3 Trail Elevation Map

As usual, we started off with having our hares, Dirty Dick of Touliu and Bush-Diving Boer, come up and take a drink. Both received a hare patch. DDT also received a 15-hare run patch and BDB received a coveted Qualified Hare patch after completing his 3rd hare run.

There were, once again, several 1st timers to the hash, about 6 in total. There was one 2nd timer, Amanda, and 4 third timers: Ember, James, Miles, and Jake (the latter two were still lost and wouldn’t turn up for another hour).

Ember is a friend of Schitzel Swallower’s. We didn’t know that much about her except that she doesn’t speak that much and she always wears a full tracksuit, summer or winter, to the Hash. We were going to name her Silent Sweater or Formosan Furnace, but they just weren’t dirty enough. Given that she must be rather warm wearing the tracksuit, and some parts of her must be warmer than others, we eventually settled on the name Burning Bush. Welcome her to the Douliu Hash next time you see her.

James has recently arrived in Douliu and started teaching. We knew he was from Mississippi and had a helluva southern drawl. We also knew he was a former Marine that served in Afghanistan. We could have settled for the simple Jackson Jarhead, but given his comments during the down down and his willingness – nay, eagerness – to drink from the penis cup, we decided that simply had to call him Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

With the other two third timers MIA, we moved on to the ladies hashit, carried by Tittie Tonic. She came up with 3 excellent, albeit non-hash related, nominations:

  • DADT – For throwing up the previous night in front of TT’s landlord (in the lobby) immediately after TT promised that they wouldn’t be making any more noise or cause any disturbances.
  • Absolut – For getting drunk the previous night and again before the hash (Seems normal, even recommended, to me).
  • BDB – For drawing hearts on trail when he was supposed to be marking on-ons.

BDB easily won the vote (last month he was putting curly serifs on the finish, this month he’s drawing hearts. I sense a trend) and carried the ladies hashit for the remainder of the down down.

Third-timer and hashit carrier Jake were still MIA, so we held that off for now and moved on to announcements.

-ANNOUNCEMENTS-
After every hash, tickets will be available for purchases. These tickets will entitle you to 1 Tiger Draft Beer at Roxy’s. Tickets are 80nt Each and you buy them in packs of 5 for 400NT. This is meant to ease the exchange of money and beer at the bar. See DDT or 4 Stiff at the down down or at dinner if you would like to purchase tickets and help the bartenders out.

TLH3 shirts are still available. All sizes – only NT$350. See DDT or 4 Stiff at Roxy’s if you would like to buy one.

-GENERAL PENALTIES-
BDB called out DDT for falling down somewhere along the trail. Anyone remember the old LifeCall commercial?
Cunnilinguini called out ET for similarly falling down into a swamp while leading the way through the trail.

SGT called out Brussel Sprout and Nurse Scratchit for the felony offense of not postmarking trail.

DADT was ridiculed for sucking the gold off the penis cup.

Moaning Grinder nominated iPodAlong for getting lost. Indeed, he went the wrong way after witnessing the walkers go one way and being told by the walkers that they were on trail. Anyone else think we should change his name to The Creationist because even in the face of empirical evidence, he continues to believe otherwise and does his own thing?

iPod quickly turned it around and nominated ET for leading him off trail.

DDT unveiled the new penis cup to replace the one that ET broke several months ago. It was only fitting that ET have the first drink to christen it with long life and safety from DADT.

Eventually, our two MIA hashers showed up. Many stories were shared about third-timer Miles. They are much too disgusting to share here but they involved masturbation in front of Amanda and BDB, unused condoms, and missing remotes. Long story short, the most fitting name we could come up for him after hearing all these stories was Fucking Retard.

Third-timer Jake had recently grown a pedophilic/police officer moustache. We toyed with the idea of Free Moustache Rides or, given his New Zealand heritage, Maori Minge. Eventually, Rommel Router came up with a pretty good name and we altered it slightly to give Jake the name Kiwi Cunt Guzzler.

KCG was also the men’s hashit carrier. His nominations were:

  • Fucking Retard – for Stash abuse early in the trail
  • BDB – for checking his hair in the mirror and trying to measure the mirror with his armspan
  • The Hares – for (cheeky fucker) blaming them for him getting lost for an extra 90 minutes due to poor trail marking

Co-head SGT was having none of that and offered the 4th nomination of sending the hashit back to KCG, which was widely appreciated by all. He shall continue carrying the hashit next month.

-FAREWELLS-
Unfortunately, this was the last hash for BDB and Tittie Tonic. 4 Stiff is in Chinese this week but shall return. BDB and TT have been hashing with us since early this year and have 8 runs each. They’ve been a lot of fun to have around and we hope to see them again soon.

DDT and BDB shared a Praetoria down down and invited 4 Stiff and TT in for having visited Praetoria. They followed up with the Praetoria Rugby Chant going back and forth with the audience.

By that time, it was already quite dark so we ended the down down and had a few relaxing beers enjoying the cool evening air before heading out to Chao Dai for dinner.

As usual, pictures can be seen in the Photo Gallery (still waiting for Schnitzel Swallower to give me copies) when they are ready. On on until next month!

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