Douliu Hash #8 was held on March 20, 2010. Weather was beautiful, partly cloudy, mild temperatures. Hares were Dirty Dick of Touliu (DDT) and Kinky Texan Vegan (KTV). Terrain was relatively flat, with a few small climbs and short ladders. KTV estimated the run distance as 8km. The top three runners were Extra Testicle, Satisfaction GuaranTit, and first timer Jayson. The three fastest walkers were Absolut, first timer Miche, and Brussel Sprout.
The trail did contain one very nasty backtrack which left all the hashers completely stumped for about 20 minutes. Failing to pick up the hare’s trail, a phone call to DDT was made and some instructions were received. Within a few minutes, the runner’s were back on the trail. The down downs commenced at approximately 4 p.m. with DDT chairing and Four Stiff serving as brewmeister.
DDT shared a drink with his co-hare, KTV. Afterwards, the first timers shared a drink: Simon, Mike, Jason, Jose, and Matt.
Official Hash business continued with a naming committee for 3 third-timers: Ryan, Ryan, and Jane. After much deliberation and far too much information shared with the naming committee, Jane was given the official Douliu Hash name of “Moaning Grinder” (MG). Ryan was named “Satisfaction GuaranTit” or SGT, and the other Ryan was named Kinky Fucking Californian or any combination of 3 words that start with KFC.
After naming, there was a Hashit check called by DDT. iPodAlong was carrying the men’s hashit, but failed to come up with 3 nominations. He offered one: Rommel Router, who (deliberately?) tore a contact lens and couldn’t finish the hash. Failing to make his nominations, he had to drink and retained the men’s hashit, which he would later use to sexually harass both Rommel Router and DDT. Absolut was carrying the women’s hashit and offered three nominations: KTV (for co-haring), Mike (for being a first timer?), and Miche (also for being a first timer). Voting commenced, but DDT decided that Absolut should retain the women’s hashit.
DDT took a drink and claimed responsibility for the backtrack debacle. He then instructed the hashers on the rules of backtracks: they can be up to 1km long and you must backtrack on the original trail you came from. DDT called a double penalty on ET for not knowing better and the two shared a drink.
There were several announcements. SGT announced that this website, https://www.roxysbar.com, was up and running. DDT announced that there would be a Taiwan All Island Run coming up soon. More information is needed. ET announced that the Kaohsiung Hash Champagne Breakfast Bash was coming up on March 27th and he could help Douliu Hashers make arrangements to attend.
After the announcements, the down down continued with general penalties.
SGT called a penalty on KFC for inadvertently showing the Taiwanese children at the playground his “hidden turn” (dropping his drawers to DDT and thereby mooning everyone nearby).
KTV called a penalty on DDT for waiting until the morning of the hash to call her and ask her to be his co-hare.
ET called a penalty on Rommel Router for “shadowboxing during the hash” when they were in the Philippines a few weeks ago.
SGT called a penalty on Jason for being “too pretty” for the hash and told him he needed to ugly up.
Jason called a penalty on iPodAlong for “falling/stepping into a bucket.”
MG called a penalty on first-timer Jose for wearing new shoes on the hash and making girly noises while taking them through the mud.
DDT called a penalty on Outback Mountaineer for “driving halfway to Kaohsiung during the hash” in order to pick up his son.
SGT called a penalty on Brussel Sprout because his farts smelled like brussel sprouts. DDT declared this a double penalty and both drank.
DDT and KTV called a penalty on Cockacito for being in Kaohsiung during the hash attending a school event.
SGT called a penalty on brewmeister Four Stiff for not drinking anything.
DDT called a whistle check and explained the importance of the whistles. The only hashers in attendance who had whistles were DDT, Four Stiff, and SGT, so everyone else had to drink.
iPodAlong finally came up with 3 nominations: Rommel Router (for losing a contact during the hash), Jose (for being a first timer), and Simon (for being a first timer.) Jose won the vote and had to carry the men’s hashit. A few minutes later, SGT called for a hashit check and showed the hashit which first-timer Jose had left on the ground. Jose had another drink and got his hashit back.
Penalties commenced and one was called on iPodAlong for playing his music too loud during the down down.
KTV called a penalty on first-timer Simon for claiming it was his birthday for the past several days and getting free shots.
Jason called a penalty on Absolut for it actually being her birthday.
ET called a penalty on Simon because his name sounds like the Taiwanese and Mandarin words for “shit door.”
DDT called for a drink for anyone who went to “The greatest school in the world” which turned out to be Praetorian Boys High. DDT shared this drink with first-timers Jason and Miche.
Cockacito called a penalty on first-timer Jose for “giving away the men’s hashit.”
DDT called a penalty on anyone who wasn’t drinking enough, which turned out to be Aiyu, Miche, Matt, and Mike.
DDT and ET shared a drink for the backtrack debacle and then DDT called a penalty on anyone who didn’t noticed the prostitutes along the trail, but then changed his mind and called a penalty on anyone who is familiar enough with the language of prostitutes, which turned out to be KFC.
DDT called a penalty on anyone wearing one sock, which was iPodAlong (due to the bucket debacle).
SGT called a penalty on anyone wearing sunglasses while it was getting somewhat dark, which was first-timer Matt.
Finally, Absolut called a penalty on SGT for keeping notes.
The down down was concluded, the area was cleaned up, and the down down moved to a local restaurant for ridiculously good and cheap Taiwanese food. Afterwards, many hashers went to Roxy’s Bar for drinks and conversation. All in all, a great hash and a good turnout. Hope you see you next time! ON ON!
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